Embracing Uncertainty
by Rebekkah Alexander
What Do You Mean by 'Embracing Uncertainty'?
To embrace is to receive willingly, to accept gladly with open arms, and to bring in closer to oneself, often as an expression of affection, like a hug. Embracing uncertainty is more than a mere brush with awareness of it. To embrace uncertainty is to intentionally invite and allow one’s awareness and experience of its occurrence. Experiencing uncertainty means to surrender to the sensations and feelings in the body . . .to feel the essence of uncertainty and the quality of ‘the unknown’ that uncertainty brings. Embracing means to let go of any judgement or resistance.
How Do I Surrender and Allow This Experience of Uncertainty?
One of the ways we attempt to avoid the experience of uncertainty is to tell ourselves things about the event . . . or about the past or about the future. We are creating meaning about the event and engaging in our thinking about it. By doing so, we are more successful in avoiding our feelings, the body-level felt sensation of uncertainty, as well as conscious awareness of it.
Experiencing uncertainty would be to not tell ourselves all those things that fill the space of uncertainty and drown it out. These things we tell ourselves about the event, the past or future, camouflage uncertainty. Surrendering would be to allow this space of uncertainty be there in you, in your felt experience.
Why Are We So Quick to Avoid Feeling Uncertainty?
Many of us tend to have beliefs about uncertainty that are negative. That, somehow, if we are uncertain of a future outcome or direction, it’s a sure sign something unpleasant is going to happen. Since uncertainty is not “the known” and is not familiar, it is potentially seen as a threat to our survival. This is natural for humans and part of our inherent threat defense system. It is usually a subconscious reaction and not a conscious choice.
If the threat, however, is not an actual threat to our physical survival, perhaps the threat is to one’s self worth, one’s sense of importance, or one’s need to be in control. Whatever the threat may be, it directly results from the thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions we hold. These thoughts, beliefs, or perceptions contribute to the meaning we make at that moment of the event or the uncertainty.
Our meaning of the uncertainty—the perceived threat—is what triggers our threat defense system . . .not the uncertainty itself. Identifying what your thoughts and beliefs are toward feeling uncertain about something in your life is the first step toward making more sense of why you might avoid it.
Are You Saying Uncertainty Doesn't Have To Be Scary?
I’m saying that uncertainty in and of itself is neutral. The good news is that the thoughts and perceptions you have, that are contributing to the feeling of threat that you are reacting to, are a choice. You may continue with the same thoughts, perceptions and reactions, or you may choose to explore other possibilities.
In reality, possibilities exist for other outcomes in addition to the one you are imagining and reacting to. Some possible outcomes you might want and some you might not want. Allowing your experience of the inherent neutrality of uncertainty frees it of the reputation of being an unwanted experience. Once we stop blaming uncertainty for our anxious feelings, we can begin to take ownership and get to the root of our anxiety-provoking beliefs.
The Role of Conscious Choice
If there were truly a threat to our physical survival, reacting and taking action from our threat defense system would be ideal. But if there is no actual danger in the moment, engagement of the conscious mind and making a different choice is a viable option. Choosing how one wants to respond (rather than react) can be an empowering awareness.
Pausing and filtering through our thoughts and beliefs about that moment, becoming more present, without a need to attach any meaning to the uncertainty, allows us to step into a new experience of ease, fuller breathing, and openness. That’s not to say that our meaning of the uncertainty is either good or bad. It’s just that when our awareness is preoccupied with the meaning we are making, we are missing out on experiencing the actual neutrality of the uncertainty. We are missing out on a potentially pleasant experience in the body. The felt experience of vitality in the body does not need a story or a meaning. It can be experienced just as it is.
In Closing . . .
To refrain from any reactive thoughts about the uncertainty’s outcome creates space to allow the realization of the realm of possibilities . . .and the vibrancy of that realm. As the body and brain become more accustomed to the feeling of vibrancy and potential of the realm of possibilities, the body/brain dependency for certainty subside more and more. Awareness of the opportunity to make a better-feeling choice is then free to occur. When the brain and body are guided to gradually relinquish familiar reactive perceptions, the vibrancy and heartfelt connection to pure uncertainty becomes accessible.
Uncertainty Challenge
If you would like to challenge yourself about your patterns of avoiding feelings of uncertainty, below are a few questions you can ask yourself.
What are some of the things you tell yourself to avoid feeling uncertainty?
What might be your familiar perceived threats or triggers of uncertainty?
What are some of the feelings you might have if you didn’t camouflage uncertainty?
If you are curious and would like to explore further, please contact me. I would be happy to explore with you.